Self-Doubt: How Old Were You?

Self-doubt… it can be a crippling thing, am I right? In my last post, Taking A Leap Of Faith, I discussed how in the many times I contemplated whether or not to be an actress and when I’d finally decided to do so I would put obstacles in my way. 

  Taking A Leap Of Faith

The obstacles stopped me from really pursuing my dreams, because what these obstacles actually were, were my own self-doubt and insecurities. These insecurities being, I am too fat, I am not good enough, or I am not good at all and so on and so forth. 

But now I ask myself when did I start to question and doubt myself? When you are a kid you think that your shit don’t stink and that you can do any and everything and there is no one or thing that can stop you. Think about it, you tell a five-year-old girl she’s pretty and she will either say, “I know” or “duh”, she doesn’t doubt it because up until that moment she hasn’t been told otherwise. Or you ask a little boy what is he going to be when he grows up he’ll say a “super hero” or “ninja” without a breath of hesitation. Again, he can say it with such confidence because up until this point he hasn’t been told otherwise. 

Now the question is, at what point do we lose the confidence and what is the cause of it? Is it the media, school, the world? I think all may have a key factor and it’s combination of it all. Yes, the media makes us girls AND boys feel that we need to look a certain way. 

And school sometimes makes us feel that our dreams are not realistic and that we are not smart because we are unable to pass a test. A quote by Albert Einstein says, “Everyone is a genius. But if you test a fish on its ability to climb a tree, then it will spend its entire life believing that it is stupid.” I honestly feel that school does that to its students, by giving ONE kind of test and teaching ONE way and expecting ALL children to understand by this ONE way. 

I don’t remember the exact age but I remember being insecure in elementary school, ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I’m just a little girl, what do I have to be insecure about? But I know I am not alone and that thought doesn’t make me feel better.Why do we as people choose to only focus on our negative traits? And those thoughts are like a downward spiral that leads us to thinking negative thoughts towards other people, and then they can feel our judgmental stares leading them to feel even more insecure. 

My insecurities keep me from living my dream as I am sure your insecurities keep you from living yours. I don’t want to let it anymore and I know it is something that may take a while, but step by step and day by day it will get easier. I am going to start by looking in the mirror and finding five good things I like about my looks and five things I like about my personality. And I challenge all of you who are reading this do the same. 

Maybe this is your first time reading my blog or maybe you have been along with me on this journey since the beginning. But all I know is that if you are reading this it is because you are meant to be seeing this. Whoever you are I want you to know that you are beautiful, smart, strong, brave, kind, and funny. You are the best that you can be and that is all that matters.  

This is what my message is for this post, to share my insecurities and hopefully help others overcome theirs. Don’t doubt yourself because I am tired of doubting myself and I know you are too. 

Until next time, stay stress-free. 

Here are some fun motivating things for self-image:

These are two of my favorite shows at the moment; the women in it are confident in who they are and they don't have the most perfect bodies and that is motivating to me as an actress. Both are on Netflix so I highly recommend it. 

This video of ToothBrush by DNCE is also very motivating and inspirational for young girls out there. That you are beautiful no matter what shape you are. 

Toothbrush by DNCE

Taking A Leap Of Faith

Man oh man do I have a post for you today. So in my last post I talked about changing my perspective and feeling blessed instead of stressed. I also talked about having a calm before the storm hit, well… the calm did not last as long as I thought it would. 

In fact, it lasted about two to three days. Yeah….two or three days after posting I got laid off from my job. It hit me pretty hard because I did not see it coming. Even though I should have: The owner had just moved to another state and I kept hearing there were going to be changes. Well I didn’t know the changes meant the newest hires had to go. Well, I immediately went into my old ways and started to sink into self pity and feel bad for myself.

 But then something different happened, I caught myself and quickly switched gears. Feeling sorry for myself was not going to change my circumstances. So I went out applied somewhere and got a job within two days. My start date was July 5^th which meant I had plenty of time to enjoy time with my son and just enjoy relaxation before I got back into the grind.

Well something happened in those two weeks and this Monday I had an epiphany. All this time I have been talking about taking action and really working toward being an actress and I have been honest about my journey—the ups and the downs.

Making the decision to become an actress and really going for it has been something I struggled with since I was a little girl. I’ve gone back and forth “Yes I do. No I don’t.” and at times I have even tried convincing myself that this is not something I want. 

Why? Because my dream terrifies me, which is true for everyone’s dream I’m sure.

 Every time I’d talk myself out of wanting to be an actress I would feel sad, angry, and lost. It may seem cliché but it is true, I was fighting against myself. What scared me? Well many things, one being I believed that I would have to sacrifice my family and I would never be able to keep a marriage if I made it. Which is not true and deep down I know that. Another reason I came up with once I got married and had a baby was that to make it I have to make big sacrifices that I couldn’t do because I had family to help support.  

But when I push my doubts aside and decide to go for it, I end up putting 100 obstacles in my way that keep me from going for it 100%. It’s like a never ending cycle.

Now back to my epiphany that I had on Monday. I was thinking about everything, my life, my dreams, my son, my husband, this job I was going to start. I was feeling unhappy and I wasn’t sure why… I got a job and everything was going to be okay so why did I feel like the opposite. I decided to instead of watching and endless parade of “Boy Meets World” (Throwback :p) I would do something productive and listen to a motivational book. I am not a huge fan of audio books or even motivational books (my mom and husband are always trying to get me to read and I never do). So when I decided I needed some guidance, I decided why not?

I picked Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robins because I felt that he would be the easiest to bare because I really like him. While listening that is when it hit me. It was crazy and it scared me beyond belief, but more than that it excited me and I felt like this is it! 

This is what I NEED to do to finally make my dreams come true. I started to cry and as I am writing this I’m getting choked up and teary-eyed. I was so motivated that I listened to whole book that day. Get on with it already!!! I know I am rambling but this is a BIG DEAL and I want make sure you get the full story. So when this decision came to me I had to talk to Mario (my husband) and make sure I had his full support, and of course him being the most supportive loving guy in the world he did and he was excited for me, the decision was final.

I DECIDED NOT TO GO BACK TO WORK AND ONLY FOCUS ON MY ACTING. Okay some of you are like “That’s it? Really? I read all this for that?” But the thing is, that is a big deal for me. It terrifies to me because we have a son, a house and bills to pay for. And it’s a scary thing to do and we will be tight with money and things will get hard. But this is something I have to do if I am ever going to really go for it. Anyone who has been successful has had to make a decision and do something that people thought they were crazy for doing. THIS is my thing. I live my life in fear. Fear of everything and I am tired of it and I am choosing to BE BRAVE.

So that is my advice for this post guys, BE BRAVE. Guys, I know going for your dreams can be scary but you know what’s scarier? NEVER going for your dreams. You will spend your life sad, angry, or lost. Be brave and just go for it. Whatever that big scary step may be for you, just take that leap of faith. I guarantee you’ll come out stronger and better in the end.

Until next time guys, Stay stress free.

If you are in need of any motivation listen to Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robins. The link is below.

Awaken the Giant Within

And I am currently listening to You’re a Badass by Jen Sincero; this book just confirmed that the decision I was making was the right one. You can find this book on audible.com

The Calm Before The Storm

Hey Everyone! Don’t worry I did not forget about sharing my journey with those of you who made that decision to come along with me. I’ve just had a million and one things going on, and it’s like one thing after another. 

After my last blog I just had so much going on with my finals for school, starting a new job, going to California and moving to my new place. Every week there was something to be done and I kept saying, “Dilia sit down and write your blog today,” and I never did. Bad on my part! Sorry, I know I have to stay consistent and that is something that I am working on.

Now let us get updated on what’s going on currently and what is to come. Guys, I have a confession to make…. 

I have been eating TERRIBLY and I haven’t been working out.

 I have been telling myself that it is because all the stuff that I have going on, but that’s just an excuse and there is no reason for my poor food choices and lack of exercise. But I am changing that… (Hopefully). That is actually something that I would like to explain further. This is a process and I will have my ups and I will have my downs, but I want to remain honest not only with my readers but with myself. 

This journey is all about me making my dreams come true and I have to remember that the journey is not an easy one and that it’s not only about how many successes I have but also about all the failures I overcome. 

My weight is something that brings me down every single day, but yet I haven’t found the motivation to change, even though it’s something I want to desperately change. I guess the nail isn’t bothering me too much. And I know I just lost you but let me explain.

 My mom told me a story that she heard from one of her motivational speakers that she listens to. The story goes like this: there is a dog that sits on a porch whining all day long, and a guy that walks past the house every day asks the owner if something is wrong with the dog, the owner says, “Oh, he’s just sitting on a nail.” The guy then asks, “Why doesn’t he move then?” The owner then replies, “The nail must not be bothering him that bad.” When she told me this it really hit me. 

How many of you complain about the same thing EVERY day but NEVER do anything to change it?

The nail must not be bothering you that bad. 

Believe me; I don’t say this to upset you because I am right there with you. But guys today is the day to change that. No excuses!

 Just one little change can make a world of a difference. I worked out today! Only a 10-minute workout but that’s better than just sitting on the couch all night eating junk. It is one step towards my goal. 

I tend to put things off when I start to get overwhelmed with too much stuff to do. But that changes today. I have been looking at eating right, working out, school, work, decorating my new home and working on my acting career as stressful things in my life. 

I need to change my thought process, these aren’t stresses in my life but more like blessings.

 I have the opportunity to work which means I able to have my own home, pay for food and a gym membership to better myself. And I am blessed to be 3 semesters away from graduating with my bachelors. And I am blessed to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Now I just have to WORK for it. 

After a hectic month in May, I am lucky to have the calm before the storm. For the next couple of weeks, I have time to really set out a game plan before I start school and all my time is really taken up. 

I have a few things in the works that I can’t wait to share with guys. So, make sure that you are following me on Snapchat and Instagram because I can’t wait to share it with you guys.

Until next time, guys, stay stress-free.

Also, here are some of my pics from my California Vacation. It was very motivating, especially the Warner Brothers tour. I highly recommend it. 

   

Taking Action!!!

                                            Let me start off by saying…. SORRY! 

I know I said that I was going to do my week at a glance and I haven’t. But I have good reason for that. Since my last post A LOT has changed and I am super excited to share it with you guys.

My last post was about how I want to share my journey of becoming an actress with you, and I still want to do that. After that post I started the week off to a good start, but in the middle week I got sick with a cold.

So, I started to slack on working out, which then led me to slack on eating right. Then, the following week I had an altercation with one of my co-workers that left me very emotional. 

I lost sight of the goal that I had JUST set for myself. But the good news is that I quickly decided to switch gears, and I refused to sit and wallow in self pity like I usually do.

I decided to a make a change. That altercation was the final straw on the camel’s back.

That day I left work and immediately started applying for other jobs. I had already been applying to other places because I needed a better paying job so my husband (Mario) and I could finally get a place of our own. But I wasn’t really putting my all into the search--until that day. From then on, all I was doing in my spare time was applying for jobs-- instead of going on social media apps. I was determined to find something better.

I also made the decision to no longer wait on the job to get my own place. I told Mario, “you know what, let’s just go find an apartment, apply and see if we get approved.” He was nervous and wasn’t sure if we should, especially since I didn’t have a job that paid enough yet. But I reminded him that we are trying to live a more positive life and that if we want things in life we have to act as if we already have it. One of my favorite motivational speakers is Anthony Robbins and he says, “Action is the most important key to any success.” 

So we took his advice and that weekend we found an apartment and we went for it.

That week on Tuesday I went for an interview, and by Friday we found out that not only had I gotten the job, but we also got approved for the apartment.

 In a matter of two weeks things have changed drastically, and it all happened because I made a simple decision to go for it.

If there’s something you’ve been thinking about doing but you haven’t done it because you’re scared, don’t be! Just GO FOR IT. 

If you don’t give yourself the option to fail you won’t. Life is on your side, even though at times it seems that it’s not, it is.

I am also still on my journey of becoming an actress. So make sure you’re following me on Instagram and Snapchat to keep up with how my journey is going.

 I will be posting my meals and my workouts but I will also be posting about the recent changes in my life. I plan on sharing my move-- which should be a lot of fun and hopefully motivating for you guys who want a place of your own.

Another thing to look for is… I am going to CALIFORNIA! 

Mario surprised me with this vacation to help motivate me (isn’t he sweet!). I am super excited! I will be sharing with youthe preparations for Cali and the actual trip. May is going to be a BIG month, so come along with me!

Until next time, stay stress free.