I am starting a blog. That sentence alone makes me laugh. Why, you ask? Because everyone and their mother has a blog, for whatever reason it may be. If it’s to help people cook, bake, DIYs, healthy living, and so on; there are millions of blogs out there. But my blog is more for me. More of a public diary let’s say. I know my struggles may seem like baby struggles to most of the world but they are my struggles and I have to find a way to release my stress and I feel this is the best way to do it. And who knows maybe along the way I will help someone who is going through the same struggles.
Let me start by telling you about myself. My name is Dilia and I am a mother, fiancé, and woman. And I know what you are thinking.... I am a middle aged stay-at-home mom trying to figure out what to do in my spare time while my kids are at school. Well… you’d be wrong. I am 22 years old and I have a seven month old baby. And no, I am not a high school dropout. I graduated high school and now have my associates degree. I lived in South Florida, and after two years in school I packed up my bags and moved to…. Orlando. Lol. I know not that dramatic, but it was quite a big move for me. When I lived down south, I lived in a bubble, scared of the world. I was in a bad relationship (not abusive) and never did anything, until the last year of the relationship. I took matters into my own hands. I cut my long hair and went blonde. And for you girls out there you know that means serious business. I started hanging out with my friends more and trying new things. And let’s not go too crazy it wasn’t drugs or anything like that, so don’t get too excited. So shortly after the break up, I moved to Orlando (that’s not why I moved, it was just convenient), I started hanging out with a friend that I went to high school with me and her friends that she had made from college. I was having a blast. I had finally turned twenty-one so I started to drink (and believe it or not I actually waited until I was legal to drink) and going to clubs and just having a grand ole time. That is how I met my fiancé, he was friends with my friend, and bada bing bada boom here we are almost two years later engaged to be married with a 7 month old baby. I am not going to go into major detail (at least not in this blog lol) but he was a major part of my big adventures. He took me to so many places and helped me face so many of my fears. And when I found out I was pregnant he did everything a great man would do; he stepped up and supported me in every way. He has been doing that since the beginning and in that aspect I am very lucky.
So I know what you are thinking, what are my struggles then? Well I don’t have a job, I still live with my parents (very thankful but not the ideal with a new born and fiancé), and I have absolutely no idea how to go about figuring out what to do for the rest of my life. Like I said, baby struggles but mine nonetheless.
Today I actually quit my job and yeah yeah, “ You have no one but to blame but yourself then!” “How dare you complain when people struggle everyday to get a job!” I get it. BUT, it was not a good work environment and the place is just counting the days until they are shut down. So I did myself a favor. Besides, I actually had a backup plan. I had a job interview that I was for sure going to nail; it was pretty amazing opportunity at my dream University. Yes, I say had because they called me to inform me that they were putting interviews on hold and have to cancel my interview for tomorrow. I felt terrible. Now I am right back to square one.
Where is square one? Well prior to me getting pregnant, my fiancé and I lived together, with his roommate. But of course after getting into a committed relationship and then later with a baby on the way, the roommate had to go. We had plans to find our own place, just him and I, until one major event happened that crushed our dreams. I got fired from my job when I informed them that I was pregnant which is the reason we are living with my parents, it was impossible to find a job during my pregnancy, but I was determined to find a job as soon as the baby turned 3 months old, then 4 months, then 5 months old.. well, you get the picture. I never realized how hard it was going to be to leave my baby boy. Which again leads into me living with my parents, and I love my parents. I am actually a huge family person and I’m one of those weird people who actually like to hang out with their family. My fiancé gets along great with my family and my parents have helped us out immensely.
So where is the problem you ask? Well I have my own family now and my fiancé and I would love a place of our own.
A place where we set up the way we like and have friends over or just do what we like. My parents are very accommodating it’s just we feel bad because it is their home. So when I got the job we got excited because we can afford to get our own place. And when this better opportunity came along my fiancé gave me the thumbs up to quit my current job unaware of the bad news that lied ahead. I felt terrible when I had to call him and tell him. But like the loving and positive man he is, he just told me that everything happens for a reason and that we still have a couple months before it’s time to move out and to just to have a job by then. So like I said back to square one.
Now I am applying everywhere for whatever job. Which is actually harder then it seems because one struggle I am having a hard time is being away from my baby and if you are a mother you can completely understand where I am coming from. So I have to find a job that is flexible with their schedules and pays enough to help my fiancé support us so we can move out. Also getting a job anywhere is all fine and dandy until I get bored because I am not doing what I have a passion for. What is that? Well anything in the entertainment industry; acting to be more specific. Typical huh? Well I can’t help it, my dad is a musician and my mom is a writer, it’s in my blood. Now the struggle… where do I even begin to get my career going as an actress. I know get an agent, get pictures, blah blah blah…. There’s more to it, and that’s for another blog.
I honestly have a hundred and one things going on in my mind every minute of every day. Which leads to my anxiety (another struggle). Which then leads to trouble sleeping (another struggle). Which then leads to me being grumpy cause I am frustrated, sleepy, and stressed and then that causes fights with my fiancé. Then I feel guilty because it’s not his fault and he’s been doing everything he can. Then he sees me upset and doesn’t know how to help, which there isn’t anything he can actually do because at this point I have to help myself. Confused? Well now you kinda know how I feel. See the struggles.
So this is why I need this blog (public diary), because I need to release my stress. Every therapist out there tells you when you have a problem to write down your feelings. That is exactly what I am doing, I am just sharing it with the world. Well I have to go my son is waking up. Until my next break from reality stay stress free.
